Tossing Batting practice…and practicing my Spanish in case I get that job teaching history to ESL students in Roxbury…

Well, not much more to add about the Patriots complete and utter demolition of the Chargers. I’m happy, f*** them, especially LT, I hope he ruins every fantasy team in the country.
I can’t stand listening to all the trash talk they spew because they simply went 14-2 last year with one of the easiest schedules in the league.
Since it’s pretty obvious that they’ll never be able to stay classy, I’m just going to have to go a different route.
“Go f*** yourself San Diego!”

Moving right along, it’s really really, really premature to say 19-0 is even a possibility, but holy smokes what if,(pinching myself) really, is it possible….no, stop undefeated talk is for crappy pundits. Maybe if they do it, they could just forfeit their playoff game like Chris “everybody blows me, but I’m not particularly insightful in the studio” Collinsworth suggested.
He should be banned from television forever, or at least be stuck on a panel with Ben Wright, Al Campanis, and Jimmy the Greek in a continuous 24 hour all moron channel.

Eric Gagne my patience has worn out….at least we’ll get a first round raft pick for this guy next year. Let’s hope he’s more Clay Bucholz, than Daniel Bard.

Bronson Arroyo, still remains the lone major league pitcher I truly believe I could hit (the 2005 season where opponents collected 135 hits and 17 homers off him is my proof) but good lord that fat hanging splitter to Jeter is maybe the next closest thing.
The only thing that would have been any more obvious that that was coming would have been if the Sausage Guy on Landsdowne Street put on a glove for that at-bat.

Jason Giambi could sweat in a meat freezer, which incidentally is where I hope they find him one day after all those steroids drive him to Caminitti-land.
This week’s Patriots camera thing, (I’m sick of calling it a “gate”) has only multiplied my hatred for the fat cheating turd, because all he did was admit to using banned substances, rat out other players, and he’s back on the field without any sort of suspension or fine whatsoever.
That’s crappy, but I mean after hearing how Belichick somehow has pushed the earth off its axis and the NY press can proclaim that all along they knew he was the anti-christ, I’m sick of the free pass he gets.
I hope Collinsworth goes back and says they should forfeit games because of what he did, when he dies an “untimely” death in his 40s.

As for the rest of that series, well I sincerely hope Papelbon solves this suddenly rampant, I can’t get NY hitters out ailment, before it becomes an acute outbreak of Calvin Schiraldi Disease. (I said it before, how come the Yankees get all the good ailments and injuries named after their players)?

Shelley Duncan, I’m on your side….but I still think you’re father, and brother suck.
Speaking of Duncan is there any form of a waiting period to be inducted to the Shane Spencer Hall of Fame? And what are the landmark numbers for that? A minimum of 25 gushing stories in the tabloids touting your minor league successes before the fans clamor for a call up? No less than three curtain calls in your first week, and at least 12 for the year?

It's annoying as hell that Manny hasn't been able to come back from the oblique injury yet, but nothing angers me more as a Boston sports fan than people who have never suffered an injury like this assuming he just doesn't want to play.
Say what you want about Manny, but he usually only needs one day off, not 25. I'm sure he wants to be out there, its a friggin pennant race for god sake. But if he came out and played tonight, hurt himself, and had to sit another 20 games, well then we definitely kiss any postseason success goodbye.
If we lose the division so be it, you just have to get to the dance, look how bad the Cardinals played last year in almost squandering a lead? or the White Sox in 05?
If it were Ortiz with an oblique we'd be taking about how courageous he is to take batting practice for seven straight days in order to come back.

It’s September so you know BC is 3-0, though for the next three weeks BC High is actually playing a tougher schedule according to the RPI than their college counterparts.
Matt Ryan, Glenn Foley is on the phone and he wishes to speak with you.
On the flip side, Jags, meet Tom Coughlin. How come we never heard about Coughlin’s miserable drill sergeant personality when he was at the Heights?

Charlie, it’d be ok to be 0-3 if you could at least score some points. But if the Irish fire him they can kiss their program goodbye, and the lure of Notre Dame and all that history will only be seen in old video clips…like championship boxing.
If they only give him three years, while firing an alum, who only wants this job how do they expect to ever hire anyone else with any credentials whatsoever.
Weiss can’t recruit with Florida or Ohio St. because Notre Dame kids have to actually be able to read.

Count me in for a casino in Middleboro, though judging by most of the people I’ve met there before in hillbilly country, what happens in Middleboro has always stayed in Middleboro.

Tossing batting practice….after taking some time off because the organizational imposed innings/words limit was rapidly approaching, and I needed to be ready for football/hoops/baseball playoffs.

Sorry for the extended absence, you can blame a number of factors, mainly my boss monitoring everything I do in a given day, along with the fact I’ve written 10,000 words on the Summit Conference for Blue Ribbon, and that has dominated much of my free time. Time management this last month has not been a strong point of mine.
I suppose its tough to juggle a job, five softball games a week, eight notebooks, and moving, while spending much of that time without a car. But alas my plight does not concern the masses. Thanks for those who voiced a concern.

Plus the month of July/August isn’t particularly that interesting, I don’t care any more about dogs than I did a month ago, though I hope Michael Vick is introduced to the rape machine in federal prison. I’m not shocked that an NBA ref might have been betting on the games. And Barry Bonds sucks. I still can’t believe I missed the home run though, after all the time and energy and money put into ordering the baseball package and watching west coast games involving an aging crappy, and boring team (except you Dave Roberts, you’re still the man).
I wanted to watch it to see how I truly felt when it happened, and well there wasn’t much change.

I am extremely proud of the fact I have not touched on any of those subjects at all in this space. (Donaghy may be revisited if anything further comes out).

Not much more can be said about the Pats demolition on Sunday, it was enjoyable, and I look forward to 15 more of these this season.

If the Patriots can manage to steal signs and turn it over that quickly to help them on the very next play, all in under 40 seconds. More power to them, and if you ain’t cheating you ain’t trying.
Instead of whining about it, why not mete out a little street justice. Or I don’t know change the signals up just a bit. If the Pats are known for doing this, then it should be easy to combat. Thumbs down means thumbs up, touching the left arm means what touching the right arm used too. Or quite simply tackle the f’in guy with the ball. Mangenius try that one in practice this week.

Every time the camera panned to Norv Turner on Sunday, I couldn’t help but think the Chargers had hired Dave Barry to coach the team and then write about it from a layman’s perspective.

Watching HBO’s Hard Knocks this summer made me glad that my parents never raised me a Jets or Chiefs fan. Herm Edwards cannot be mocked enough.

The sox are pretty boring to me at this point, just something to watch until Sunday rolls around again. September baseball is fairly boring in my eyes. The races are exciting, but too many teams are packing it up, and the names for the opponents become far less familiar. Plus a steady diet of Devil Rays, Orioles, and Blue Jays isn’t must see theatre.
The Yankees series will be fun (in theory) and thankfully the pats and Sox don’t go up against each other this weekend. But in general, September baseball is just a means to an end. I’m excited for October, and just wish the remainder of the preseason would end.

With that said I do miss my baseball package immensely, after having to give it up in my recent move. I haven’t slept well in 2 weeks without Vin Scully.

J.D. Drew, I’ve defended you and believed in you all year, but I quit. I’d rather watch Jacoby strike out rather pathetically on a fastball down the middle than watch you take another early count strike.
Please, go away and take Youkilis with you.
I wish Youk would hit just a bit down the stretch so we could trade him this winter for something more than a bag of balls. Too bad Oakland has nothing of value to get in return because I’m sure Billy Beane still loves him.


Clay Bucholz, Jacoby Ellsbury, I welcome you to my bordering on unhealthy man-crush (hyphenated or not? you make the call) club. The fact you are both younger than me is slightly depressing, and makes me further disturbed.

I am excited for the KG era with the Celtics…more on this when basketball matters again.

I really enjoy reading Charley Rosen’s take on all things NBA, so when he bashed the Celts for their free agent moves in the wake of the KG trade I was saddened, until I realized he graded everyone with a C or lower. It’s not so much the teams made bad moves, it’s that there quite simply wasn’t anyone to sign.

I know Mike Milbruy and Terry O’Reilly, and you sir Claude Julien are neither, I also know Robbie Ftorek, Dave Lewis,, Mike Sullivan, and Steve Kasper, and you appear to be more like them.
The best bet would have been for the Bruins to hire Jacques Demers, at least then he wouldn’t be able to read all the bad things written about him or the Bruins as they fail this season. (crossing the line?? Perhaps.)

There’s nothing quite like hearing four coaches who combined for almost 100 losses last year tell me this season was the best recruiting class in school history.
I really think George Hill is winning Summit Conference POY, but coming up with two forwards to put on the all-conference team in a guard dominated league…not particularly easy.

If the Women’s World Cup interrupts my morning viewing of Sportscenter one more time, well, I probably won’t do anything, but I’ll be pissed.

I might end up with two posts this week…check back

Tossing batting practice….while figuratively shaking the commissioner’s hand and trying on my new Sonics hat.

I’m not sure whether to be happy for Presti, because he just got infinitely better and younger overnight, or be pissed that he just fleeced my original favorite team. Well, since Ainge had it coming to him regardless, I guess I’m glad it was Sam who fucked him.

At least I feel better about my Emerson degree tonight, because I just learned that a GM from the most unathletic college in America can still outsmart a Mormon.

Larry, Kevin, and Chief may not be walking through that door, but neither is Ray Allen, since he’ll be limpsing through it on crutches. At this point I’d rather any of those three, or the corpse of Red run the team instead of Ainge.

I just can’t grasp this trade as being anything but a negative at the moment. I’m not going to judge based on what moves they could be making because right now I don’t know of any, so at this point the team as presently constructed cannot win more than 50 games under any circumstances, and get beyond the second round of the playoffs. And for that to happen everything has to go right for them this year, starting with Allen playing more than 55 games.

Hell, they might as well go all in and deal Green, Jefferson and Ratliff’s deal for KG, and see if three over the hill superstars can combine for one last great run. But of course they can’t add KG now without a third team involved, so I guess that’s a moot point.

Last night’s move was an affront to every fan that had bought into “The Vision.” For the last five year’s I’ve defended him as he stockpiled young assets, and the Celtics plummeted in the standings and respectability. He did this to save his own ass and his own job, so he could go to the owners and say either, “hey we won 45 games and went to the playoffs, we’re starting to turn things around.” Or. “We had a great roster we just got derailed by injuries.”
Wyc’s an idiot and if the latter occurs he’ll buy it even though it seems pretty obvious that injuries will derail this train before it ever gets started.
I feel betrayed by Ainge, who always made moves as if he didn’t care what others thought, and now he’s just turned around and bowed to all the pressure, from the sports radio yahoos who said we needed a veteran.

Right now defensively they couldn’t cover me going to the basket, so they damn well better score 110 every night just to have a chance.

I think I would have actually preferred Jesus Shuttlesworth, it’s too bad Pete Maravich and Dominque Wilkins weren’t available.
For all the hope that he can be just like Reggie Miller, Cheryl’s brother never averaged more than 20 a game after he turned 33, and never had any of the lower body issues that Allen has just suffered from.

Ainge’s best asset was he was a terrific drafter, (Marcus Banks not included) while he often makes mistakes with trades, and free agent signings. So in consecutive years he’s given away lottery picks for essentially nothing.
Can you imagine forgoing your best skill at your job to continue doing something you are very poor at, and still being able to keep your job?

Ainge should have to personally pay out of his own pocket, for that trip to Phoenix, and those dozens of trips to China, and Europe since it was clear he never had any intention of using the draft pick.
I think if Presti hadn’t come along he would have just pulled a Vikings and let the clock run out.

For fear of being labeled a racist by Michael Wilbon, I won’t say I hate Paul Pierce, but let’s just say his whining and moaning about needing another veteran has not done much to endear me to him.
He’s always been a choker in big games (game 4 ‘02 conference finals, game 6, and 7 of 05 first round) always turns the ball over at wrong times, and he begs more than the raspy voiced Spare Change guy on the Common.
He’s not a superstar, or else USA basketball wouldn’t consider him some sort of plague, he makes max money and isn’t a max player. Max players make their teammates better, he should have been leading the charge helping this team improve last year, but it wasn’t until he was hurt I realized how good they could be.


I look forward to the day 10 years from now when Ainge is the answer to a trivia question, name the only GM to win NBA titles for three different teams, none of which are his own.
I’m also looking forward to five years from now, when we don’t win the lottery, are and complaining about how we’re wasting the prime of Al Jefferson’s career.

Tossing batting practice…because this is a much safer forum, devoid of rocket line drives back up the box that leave giant painful bruises and can’t simply be deleted like the ego bruises I get in the comments section…

It’s kind of like Christmas, when you can’t get what you really want, so you just kind of hope it passes by without much fanfare, but yet your parents continue to make a big deal of it, and try to make it up to you, in what amounts to a spectacular failure and really only makes things worse.
Yes it’s the NBA draft, Celtics style.
Only seven shopping days left for Danny Ainge to set the franchise back another decade, after a brief flirtation with a return to prominence.

Sounds like 2002 all over again huh? Al Jefferson, please pick up the white courtesy phone, there’s a Joe Johnson who wishes to speak with you.

So, Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, the No. 5 pick, and the corpse that is Theo Ratliff and his expiring deal for Kevin Garnett. Does Danny have to give up the rights to championship No. 16 as well?
I’d loathe to part with Jefferson, but I’d do it if I could keep the No. 5 pick, thankfully Garnett made the decision before Danny was able to blow up the entire franchise.
Then I try to flip with Atlanta, who doesn’t want to take Conley at no. 3 even though the desperately need a point guard, and I draft Al Horford.
That at least gets you to the conference semifinals, and probably a little bit deeper.
I still think it’s likely he ends up in Phoenix, though things could be resurrected later on.
If nothing else it’s once again proven that nobody wants to come to Boston, so the best way to build this team is through the draft, and maybe now the banshees on sports radio and in the newspapers will stop crying about how Ainge has to do something. He can’t, when nobody wants to come here.

Oh, and stay the hell out of a three way with Phoenix (See last week’s, Shawn Marion sucks post), unless he’s getting another championship ring from Phoenix, like he did when he made that deal with Detroit three years ago its not worth it. I realize it’s probably the closest he’ll ever get to a title as a GM, but still, have some common sense, I’m pretty sure we won’t hold a big ceremony on City Hall Plaza like you’re Ray Bourque, unless it’s a public flogging.
Getting involved in a three way, is like the real life version, the one pushing for it is obviously only in it for himself, and when you finally relent to getting involved things never work out. The third team/person in never walks away thinking, wow I’m really glad I did that, and can’t wait to do it again, they want to shower, and quickly move on like it never happened.

The sign and trade with Rashard Lewis scares me a little as well, it doesn’t really improve anything except giving them another wing player, and you can’t give up Gerald Green in this deal, because him and Lewis are friends, and that’s why he’d agree to it.
So you’re basically giving up the number five pick, for a guy who’s pretty good, but by no means an elite player. He wants max dollars, and isn’t a max kind of guy, so it just hamstrings your salary cap situation with an Al Jefferson extension looming down the road.
Jermaine O’Neal is a panic move in my eyes, maybe he just needs a change of scenery, but he’s been pretty poor of late. He should be dominating the east, and he couldn’t even get the Pacers to the playoffs this year.


Seriously, for the love of God, hold onto the pick and take Corey Brewer.
Rondo, Brewer, Pierce, Jefferson and a player to be determined, with Green coming off the bench is a pretty good nucleus moving forward. It’s probably a playoff team, and possibly Atlantic Division champions. That’s a start, from there they can continue to build and find the pieces they need.


Since there’s not much else out there, I’m going to fire up a little bit of hockey talk. I used to be a huge Bruins fan, and in fact they came before the Sox in my youth. I played hockey and I convinced my parents every year to get Nesn for March, April and May if I got good grades so I could watch the end of the season and the playoffs.
Now you can’t pay me to watch a full Bruins game, I don’t think I can name five players on the team, and quite frankly I don’t care.
But this new coach search had me intrigued for a day, when the names of Mike Milbury, and the possibility of Terry O’Reilly surfaced.
I was excited, and started frantically searching for my old “Reach for the Stars” video, while wondering if Michael J. Fox would narrate a “Reach for the Stars II., the story of the 2007-08 Bruins”
But now they’re hiring a Canadian, with ties to both Montreal, and New Jersey? Ulf Samuelsson wasn’t available? Pat Quinn wasn’t? (oh wait he was, never mind).
I hate all things Canadien, and New Jersey has essentially ruined hockey, along with Gary Bettman.
To hire a passive guy, with a thick Canadian accent, well I guess I’ll just continue ignoring this team because they simply don’t get it.
Hiring a coach because he will sell tickets isn’t a good idea, but hiring someone who might garner some interest who is the polar opposite of the coach you just fired, well that seems like a pretty good idea. I know I would read game stories and notebooks just to see what Milbury has to say, especially when they lose. That in turn would foster some interest and if the product appears to be improving might get me to buy tickets, or watch a game on television.
Well so much for that.

Out of sheer boredom, and for a little research for this post, I checked out an NHL draft preview, which was also a review of what teams need to do in the offseason. I thought it was an MLS link or something, with Columbus and Nashville having franchises, and the fact that I recognized one out of every five names rattled off as potential trade bait or free agents.
It was also the first time in at least three years, the St. Louis Blues had entered my stream of consciousness for anything other than highlights of Bobby Orr’s goal.

I hope there isn’t too much damage to Schilling’s arm, and hopefully it’s just tendonitis, but he did not sound like a guy who’s confident in being able to pitch effectively this season. Nearly every answer out of his mouth was met with trepidation. Not a good sign from your October ace.

While the Yankees are white hot of late, I’m a little less nervous now when I remember there are still 14 games with Baltimore, 19 with Tampa, and the White Sox and Rangers still on the schedule.
If the Sox get out of this lengthy three city road trip (god thing that trip to Japan wasn’t an option for this year, MLB might have stuck that as the back end of this run) with at least an eight game lead, then I’ll fell pretty good going forward.

Hey nice to see Coco Crisp remembered where second base was this week, I wonder if Luis Alicea had to tell him he was allowed to stay at first this time, after his first hit in this little hot streak.
If he can be just a .260 or .270 hitter that’s all the Sox need out of him given his defense.

Things, I wish would permanently leave sports headlines, 1. Pacman Jones, is it really news that he’s wanted for a strip club shooting, and then today he’s charged in the other one? Go away, preferably to a government facility.
2. Duke Lacrosse, I’m glad Nifong was disbarred, but I really don’t want to discuss the whole logistics of the case again on sports radio, it’s old news, move on.

Updating an item from last week, it appears as though the dream will be on hold for Texas A&M’s Joseph Jones, who returned to school, rather than fulfill his lifelong dream of leaving school early for the draft. It’s always tough when you’re lifelong dreams are shattered before ever getting out of college and into the real world.

Tossing batting practice…while still searching for a true leadoff for this column, so just accept the out, and move down the lineup.

I know it’s been a while, but I figured by just fading to black for a couple weeks you could draw your own conclusions…

Seriously though, in the future, keep checking in and don’t stop believing…(I hope this is now stuck in your head the rest of the week like it was mine).

Ok seven and a half, I’m not really nervous, so much as just annoyed, I can’t stand listening to the banshees cry about how bad Lugo has been, at least he’s stealing bases and driving in runs.
I don’t want to hear about how Manny will hit, I just want him to do it now.
I can’t defend Coco Crisp anymore, each time he bats, I can still hear Hank Smith’s voice yelling “get him out, get him out” while hoping Tito does the right thing and just shoots old Yeller.
I will however continue to defend JD Drew, I’m not sure why yet, but I will.

It's taken a little bit of reflection and thought, but I think I can say that the end of the Sopranos worked for me. It could have been better, but it could have been worse, and it stayed within the basic themes for the show all along.
And in case Dunneski is still reading I won't ruin it for him.

I'm still not ready to talk about it completely but, with the NBA draft looming I still say the Celtics best bet is Corey Brewer. He's instantly the best perimeter defender, on the team and if Tony Allen can recover from knee surgery they'll have two lockdown defenders who have offensive skills.

Shawn Marion sucks, and I hope to god he doesn't become a Celtic, I'm a gambler by nature but I'd rather roll the dice and bet that the fifth overall pick will be a better value long term than any available veteran. If they're available in a trade its for a reason, and to be frank I trust Ainge's drafting, but his trades, that don't include future draft picks generally don't turn out well.

This is perhaps the best way to sum up the decline of quality basketball in the NBA, courtesy of Texas A&M's Joseph Jones.
"It's always been one of my dreams to come out early and continue to the next level."
Yeah, that's the kind of kid I'd want to recruit, I'm pretty sure that wasn't the answer he gave on his admission essay either, about his goals in life.

Lebron may be the second coming but he needs to get out of the east. He'd be averaging 40 a game in these finals if he just went to the basket in transition instead of pulling it out se we can run the 5 th grade rec play.

You know the play that's in every figurative playbook for fathers who coach their gifted sons. Usually the kid is the point guard, regardless of the fact he's 6-8 inches bigger than everyone else on the floor (Lebron?) opposing coaches try some sort of exotic trap defense as soon as he gets over half court, and the kid usually dribbles with his right hand to the corner, then tries to dribble out back to the middle once dad yells at him to get out of the corner. Eventually he heaves up a bad shot, or gets tired while driving to the basket and cant muster anything on the shot to get it up over the rim.

As a youth official I've watched this play run countless times this year, and at least now I know Mike Brown's previous coaching experience must have come in the Akron Biddy Ball league.

If I could get into the press room and ask one question to Lebron, it would simply be this. True or false, every time you dribble to your left, step back and attempt another ridiculous fall away jumper, is the Gatorade "Like Mike" song playing in your head, or are you singing it out loud?

I’m not going to lie, watching the video essay of the Spurs dominance at halftime tonight made me sick to my stomach. However, once the realization kicked in that I’ll probably be watching the same thing in 10 years, only with the Blazers made me throw up, and then cry a little.

It's only June and I am already enjoying the excessive national coverage of the Patriots, even more enjoying is the outrage across the country.

I will not tolerate anymore of this Randy Moss is going to ruin the chemistry of this team talk. I'm talking to you WEEI, and Mike Felger.
This is me turning my radio over to the CD player.

If Curt Schilling can be a horse every fifth day and a horse's ass the other four, why can't Moss at least be the same?

I'm excited for the U.S. Open this weekend, its by far my favorite golf tournament, mainly because I too can go from bunker to bunker, while hitting trees and losing my ball in the rough, just like the pros. It's a lot more fun to watch when there is an imminent threat of a guy shooting a seven and knocking himself right out of contention.

At the moment a man named Bubba Watson is among the leaderboard, I now have my rooting interest for the weekend.

I've enjoyed the live webcast while at work courtesy of the US Open website, but the fact the color guy's named Billy Ray, and the lead announcer has an thick southern drawl just seems a bit out of whack.

It makes me wonder if Davis Love Jr. is doing commentary of NASCAR events on their webs

Lastly, I was in the midst of a discussion this week about my favorite players from the 86 team, and felt the rest of this should be shared.
Marty is my dad's name and thus at 4 I thought that was cool.
Rice for all his bad writings was the nicest guy in the world, and friend of my dad's was friends with Rice, and had his home number so on occasion we'd call house and he'd talk to me about baseball, this went on for a couple years until I was six or seven.
He was awesome.

During the winter of 1986/87 I went to my grandparents every day for daycare, and every afternoon they would put on game 6 which they had on tape because they knew if I was watching baseball I'd be quiet and occupied.
It was 2 months of watching the same game, when I walked up to my grandfather, and asked, "How come the red sox never win?"

Tossing Batting practice…while disappointed I can’t find an I hate Danny Ainge t-shirt circa Detroit 1987 on ebay anywhere. Come old Pistons fans, I’d pay dearly for one.

Looking on the bright side...At least I won’t have any additions to my Celtics Dynasty box set any time soon, that awkward sixth movie has ruined by Rocky 25th anniversary collection…

For those of you who hang around with me on a regular basis, you’ve no doubt seen the Boston Celtics 1986 World Champions hat I’ve worn for the better part of the last 15 months.
It’s been worn somewhat out of protest for the collapse of this proud franchise, but also because it was comfortable.
Even though I was four that was a team I feel like I knew inside and out thanks to Dad’s affiliation with the team. I’ve love the Celtics unconditionally, and to a greater degree the game of basketball.
It’s been a friend, confidant, and companion for most of my (sad?) life. But tonight I am taking her to counseling, in the hopes they’ll realize I’m serious.
My steak was burned, and laundry left undone for the final time. I’ve had enough, there need to be some serious changes made to this relationship, or I’m going to stick with the younger models full time.
Because the best part about college basketball is that the older we get they stay the same age. (whoa, my bad, that sounded less offensive in my head).

The “lottery” is history, and while I consider David Stern to be the Dean Wormer of the NBA, I won’t argue with what happened, it’s over, it sucks but hey the Celtics may be a better constructed team with the addition of Corey Brewer as a perimeter defender.
My problems and issues are with the game itself, and the product. It’s been going steadily downhill since the 80s. She’s put on a little weight, got a bit of a mean streak and generally has had an F-you attitude to me (your hardcore fan) while trying to impress the public en masse.
So while we’re six months from Festivus, I am airing the grievances, because I got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about them.

Speed the game up, as I have mentioned each of the last three weeks here, I am not a fan of the advent of three hour basketball. It is slowly killing the sport. As a fan I can appreciate a grind it out halfcourt game as much as an up and down affair, but I am not going to dedicate three hours of my night to it.
The league has been fighting the notion you only need to see the last few minutes, but lately I’d have to agree, except that those last few minutes have taken place much to late for even me to care what happens.
My first solution is only allow one full and one 20 second time out for the first half, and three full for the second.
Phil Jackson gets criticized for not calling timeouts to stop runs, but honestly they’re the best players in the world, I’d like to see them correct things without the aid of timeouts. Do coaches really need the private huddle to yell at their players? or devise some grand new scheme nobody has ever seen in this modern world of advanced video scouting?
Nowadays a 6-0 run warrants a stoppage of play, couple that with two television timeouts and there really is no need for so many stops.
I’d love to see a total of three full and a 20 for the game, but that’s probably pushing it.

Next, I want to change the free throws on team fouls to six a side, instead of five. Keep the rule about the last two minutes, but bump that up to more than two, maybe even three. I’d also be in favor of eliminating shooting fouls from the total number of team fouls.
Also on the subject of fouls I’d like the eliminate the subjectiveness of flagrant fouls. There needs to be a toughness to this game. I’d rather see someone get fouled hard, and a retaliatory foul later on than a brawl. There needs to be a little vigilante justice done within the game, and not in an all out brawl. Now everybody is a tough guy from the hood with their boys backing them up. A little retaliation and nastiness never hurt a series, and if it keeps the fists down then all the better. Being able to clothesline a showboater might help the league in the long run. Like baseball the threat of ebing hit by a pitch keeps things in line a bit.
The issue with fouls leads me to the next point.

The Officiating in this league needs to be fixed, for those of you who don’t know I’m a high school official it’s a difficult job and I respect what they do, but it’s been atrocious for years now.
There are a lot of bad refs in all levels, (I’m probably one of them) but there is nothing worse than one with an attitude, and there are far too many on the NBA level now with a Napoleon complex. Every game is reffed different, but now it fluctuates like a heart monitor.
How does Lebron not shoot a single free throw in a Conference Final game? Yet watch another game, and you’ll see everything between the hash marks. There has to be a happy middle ground, though I blame many of the coaches for this as well in their defense at all costs beliefs, that include fouling on every play.

End the music during games. I know the league wants to cater to the average person, who is probably dumber than a rock and impressed by loud noise and tee shirts being fired into the stands, but I do not want to hear any more artificial noise in an arena.
If the fans, suck and don’t know when to cheer that’s their fault, no more alternating between hip hop and techno.
If I want that I’ll go to the Gypsy Bar, or hit up Landsdowne street, at least the beer is cheaper and the women are prettier (I still love you Celtics Cheerleaders, but I can’t afford good enough seats for an exceptional view).
Organ music should be the only acceptable music at any non football sporting event.

Create illegal offense. This needs a little tweaking, but I’m just coming up with a premise.
I don’t want to see any more isolation with one guy, while four others stand around on the weak side. There should always be two guys on the strong side, or two guys below the foul line and inside the arc when the shot clock gets under 14. It will promote a bit more flow to the game.
I’d also love to add a 4 second count. If there’s a 24 second shot clock, and an 8 second count in the backcourt it should stand to reason that a standard 5 count can’t be slashed by one second, and then actually enforced.
I hate watching Lebron play because he just stands there forever trying to decide what to do with the ball.
Four seconds is still a long time, and it would promote more ball movement on offense, and better defense, because there’d be a reason to closely guard someone with the ball.

Screw the lottery system, or at the very least let’s only involve the five worst teams. I know it sounds like Sour Grapes tonight, but quite frankly the worst teams should be rewarded. Tanking is somewhat of an issue, but superstars shut it down in baseball and football before the year is over, and it happens in the NBA too. It’s tough to tank a whole season, and to be honest you aren’t going to see guys at the end of the bench trying to lose, they’re trying to earn a spot in the league.

This last one is the most important…fix the Salary Cap.
I don’t get it, don’t care to try. But the fact is unless you draft an Oden or Durant you can’t become instantly viable as a franchise, and even then you can have an Arenas, and be unable to do a damn thing with it because you’re so hamstrung with the salary cap.
First off eliminate guaranteed contracts. Pipe dream I know, but this is my hope. I’d also like to see more trades and free agent movement. If we can’t get rid of guaranteed deals, then nothing longer than 3-4 years. There are too many bad contracts that ruin teams, and force them to make trades such as the wonderful move that brought us Bassy.
I want to see player movement, and have hope my team can be upgraded, dump salary, or pick up another draft pick at the midway point. Who makes what shouldn’t be an issue, or at least not so much of one that it completely handcuffs
The NBA has become like a bad fantasy league where the games are played through but nobody really makes any trades, and there is nothing you can find on the waiver wire that can upgrade your team, so you play out the string, try to get lucky and finish in the money in the playoffs, or you get eliminated and root for or against your friends. What’s the fun in it?
The only way you can upgrade your team is through the draft because free agency is virtually nonexistent, at least for a few low level guys who cash in on insane deals. If the numerical combinations, because it’s technically not ping-pong balls, don’t bounce your way then you’re screwed. Then you start wondering why you pay the huge entry fee for the league when it’s really not all that interesting other than an excuse for the wives for you to get together with your friends and drink beer.
As me and some of my older friends discovered this year, we can tell them we’re going to the game, and just go to a bar and drink beer instead, just make sure you check the score at the end of the night.



One last addition, for personal sake hope for David Stern to die…slowly and painfully. As long as he’s alive the Celtics are destined to suck, he probably hand delivered the cocaine to Len Bias himself.
I’d enjoy that little smirk of his to be wiped of as some sort of blunt object is either beating or stabbing him.

Tossing batting practice…because even though I was pushed back a day because of the avulsion on my finger I’m determined not to skip a start…

Memo to the NBA…no more of these 88-85 brick filled crapfests with the late games. It’s bad enough that the only series worth watching isn’t on until 10:30, and that the entire Eastern Conference playoffs are filled with these awful games but if you bore me to death I will not be able to stay up and watch. Like last night, where I fell asleep with 10 minutes to play in the 4th quarter, at 12:45 am.
I do not like the advent of 3 hour basketball games.

It’s bad for the game and hurts an otherwise tremendous series that Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw were suspended for Game 5, but it’s the league rule, and if it was enforced before a game 7 back in 1997 with the Knicks and Heat, then its going to be enforced here.
That’s not to say there shouldn’t be some wiggle room, and maybe that’s something that should be reviewed, but right now there isn’t.

First and foremost, if Nash hadn’t taken the mother of all soccer dives (after that display all he needs is an Italian Passport and he can play in the 2010 World cup) the fracas never happens. Horry didn’t hit him that hard, and Nash fell to the ground as if he’d been clotheslined by Jack Tatum.
It was a hard foul, and maybe a bit dirty, but Nash made that look at lot worse than it was.

If the NBA hadn’t so publicly nailed Joey Crawford to the cross before the playoffs, they simply could have assigned him game 5 to even out things a little.

So the Phoenix radio guy took a verbal jab at Stern at the end of the game last night saying. “and the commissioner wonders why there are so many conspiracy theories in the NBA.”
If anything Stern and the league would rather see Phoenix win, because they’re more entertaining, and more casual fans tune into their brand of basketball, but the woe is me attitude the Suns and their fans have taken is

Lost in all the hullabaloo in this series has been the play of Nash, except for game 1 and the final two minutes of game 4 he hasn’t really done much to stand out with his team.
The numbers are there, such as the 20 and 16 he put up in game two, and 19 12 last night, but there hasn’t been any sort of takeover with him where he reminds you why he’s a two-time MVP and one of the most clutch players in the league.

As the lone Spurs fan east of the Alamo, I did enjoy the irony of Bruce Bowen drilling the clutch three to win it. I don’t necessarily agree that he’s a dirty player. He’s a pain in the ass, and deserves the occasional punch in the face, but I think there are far dirtier plays and players in the NBA. The stuff he does is borderline, and does sometimes cross the line, but those little things get in the head of the opponent and is sometimes the difference between winning and losing. It’s like playing against your Dad or older brother, you may be more talented, but you’re going to have to prove you’re tougher in order to win, that’s what the Spurs are doing, all while not doing it in a late 80s Pistons sort of way.

I’m still trying to figure out which is the more amazing feat, the fact the Spurs held Phoenix to 85 points, or the fact the Spurs only managed to score 88 points on one of the worst defensive teams in the league.

The impressive thing about the Spurs is their ability to hang around and eventually steal a game, they did it in game three too. They get down by a bunch, but don’t panic, and just slowly chip away. It’s sort of amazing to watch, as everything can go wrong for them for 36 minutes and then they gear up and forget it all for the final 12 minutes.

Ok Ottawa you fulfilled my wish of eliminating Buffalo, but I have two complaints. One, nobody has speared Daniel Briere yet, please fulfill this before the end of the series. Two, did you have to make end so quickly? That took all the fun out of the series, and taking the fun out of your sport is not something you want to do right now.
I had finally added Versus to my regular rotation of random clicking to see what’s on, but I’m not too sure how long that will last now.

I look forward to every opposing stadium to play “who let the dogs out” every time Michael Vick throws an interception next season.

Brett Favre stopped being news about six years ago, at least to everyone but the powers that be at ESPN. When Mike Felger is the voice of reason for Packers fans you know you’re in trouble.

The less I see of Jonathan Papelbon in May and June the better off I will feel later on this season. For that matter if Beckett needs a couple weeks off to heal the finger then I say have at it.

Tossing batting practice...in much the same way Craig Hansen and Manny
Delcarmen have done in the Minor Leagues this year, ineffectively (and for
that I apologize).

Mapquest says it's only 51 miles from Fenway to Pawtucket, well that might
be the best bit of news those two have heard all week, because after blowing
an eight run lead in the ninth last week they might as well be 5,100 miles
away.

For Hyde Park's Delcarmen (yes much like East Boston's Jermaine Wiggins, his
first name has legally been changed to the section of the city he grew up
in), and Hansen they need only look at Cla Meredith to be reminded that
their career isn't over just because they were rushed to the bigs and put in
a position to fail thus ruining their confidence, it just means they'll end
up reviving their stuff in another city, likely in the vastly inferior
National League.

I was sad to see Devern Hansack's no-hitter get broken up last night.

All these baseball clubs banning alcohol in the clubhouse has me a bit
worried, I hope it doesn't trickle down to the men's softball leagues around
the country, particularly those located in Cambridge, Burlington and
Southie.

After seeing David Ortiz try to score from first base the other night only
to get thrown out, I guess it's official it really does take two triples to
score him from first.

I want to care that Roger is back, but all it does is remind me he's an a**
he's like a bad ex-girlfriend, wooing you and feigning interest only to then
jump back into bed with the guy she left you for, and even if you're better
off without her it sucks. It's not even hurtful at this point, even though I
was starting to teeter in the edge of forgiveness with Roger it's just
friggen annoying.

So now that Josh Beckett has suddenly found his breaking stuff, I sincerely
hope he doesn't go all Ricky Vaughn on us circa Major League 2. You know
where he starts naming his breaking pitches, and refuses to throw his
fastball for fear of hurting his arm.

There's an old political saying that if you're seen with a woman twice
you're banging her, seen with a drink twice you're a drunk, and seen with a
man twice you're gay, well this is now three times for Andy Pettitte and
Clemens, and I'm starting to have more questions, of which I do not want the
answers to.

I feel slighted by Vernon Wells, last week he had the idea to autograph a
baseball for a group of hecklers in Cleveland, it had a long drawn out
message on it that essentially asked what gas station they worked at so he
could heckle them when he wants to fill up his car. Pretty ingenious
actually, anyway flashback to April 2003, and Patriots Day on the Monster
seats which had just open four days earlier. I'm in the centerfield standing
room with someone who reads this site, let's call him "Nat" anyway we're
taunting Wells for about three innings, with all sorts of standard rowdy,
and half drunk because it's the third Monday in April verbal barbs.
Inclduing the classic,
"Hey Wells, got any naked pictures of your wife? "
(long pause)
"Want some?"
Anyway he finally turned around to us during a pitching change and gave it
back to us a little bit, pointing to the scoreboard, (it looked as though
some Sox had started drinking with us at 8am) and making a few gestures
about how much money he had and such, overall it was a fun little back and
forth. But I wish we had given it a little bit more so we might have gotten
an autographed ball as well.

Thanks to Comcast I haven't really seen much in the way of sports since last
Thursday but I did manage to catch the fourth quarter of the suns/spurs game
Sunday. That was basketball played at the highest possible level, even if it
wasn't coached that way in the final minute by Mike D'Antoni.
For the life of me I can't figure out why you would ever be without at least
three timeouts going into the final two minutes of an NBA game, especially
at home.
Stopping a run with a timeout is so overrated, especially with the advent of
the TV timeout, just wait it out the final four minutes try to slow things
down and weather the storm.
Then when you actually need to draw up a play or advance the ball, or stop
time to patch up your bloodied two time league MVP point guard for the most
important possession of the game you can do that.

Tim Duncan's rebounding may be the most underrated aspect of any player's
game in the league. When the Spurs need it most he goes up and gets the
proverbial "man's rebound" every single time.

Hey ABC, more up close shots of Eva Longoria, and fewer up close shots of
Steve Nash, we get it, he's bleeding, he's Canadian, we understand the
hockey metaphor, but Nash is ugly enough as it is without a huge gash on his
nose

I'm glad Mark Cuban is out of my life for a few weeks, don't get me wrong I
enjoy his perspective on the NBA but he was a miserable guy all year, and he
should only be vengeful toward David Stern, and quit making Nellie out to be
the anti-christ.
There aren't too many places a seven foot German can hide in the world, but
here's hoping Dirk finds a peaceful locale of solitude for the next four
months.

So from what I understand the Senators and Sabres have quite the rivalry
going between last year's playoff upset by Buffalo and this year's all our
brawl in February, if I can ever find the channel their playing on I'll
report back. I will offer a free case of beer to the first guy who spears
Daniel Briere though.

If it weren't such a damn slow news week I'd have more to write about, and
Curt Schilling telling the world Barry Bonds cheated wouldn't be the long
national nightmare it has become.

Tossing a simulated game...since it's been four years it may take a few rehab starts to find a groove....

It may be slightly dirty laundry now, but a little detergent/winning can clean that up, and as a result I am welcoming in Randy Moss, and mini-Albert Haynesworth into the fold for the Patriots.
There is no moral compass in professional sports, you bring in guys who you think can help you win, while hoping they don't completely embarrass the franchise. If Bill Belichick thinks these guys can get the Pats back to the Super Bowl then I'm all for it.
I do hope one offensive lineman obliterates our own African-American Michael Flatley just once on a block early in the season so we can get all the de-cleated jokes out of the way.

Which brings me to my next point, and I'll take feedback from the reader(s?) on this one, what are you supposed to do in a football brawl? Hockey players take their helmets off, and don't usually have facemasks anyway, baseball and basketball players don't wear pads and can rumble around for a bit. But in all honesty the intensity of the moment takes over and you want to win the fight on a football field what do you do? Use your most dangerous appendage on their most vulnerable spot. The end result; cleating someone's calf.


With that out of the way we need to break down more important issues with this guy. Such as, licensed or not who feels the need to take a handgun with them to their 6am workout? Last I checked Miami was not Spanish for Ramadi.
What illicit activities are you involved in that leaves you suspicious enough that someone is waiting for you in the parking lot?

All across New England next August will be the same phrase..."With the first pick in the 2007 (Insert comical acronym) Fantasy Draft, the (insert funny/borderline offensive team name) select, Tom Brady, quarterback New England Patriots.


It's all been downhill for the Yankees since Mr. Wilhelm left to become a scout for the Mets, they were able to survive a year or two without Wilhelm, and Costanza, but the dearth of a farm system can be blamed on the loss of such key personnel, and the inability to replace it.

There is nothing better than a 17inning game involving Vin Scully behind the mike, especially as I learn more about Ramon Valdez in innings 12-17 than I know about much of my extended family. However on Monday he was as much a casualty as both starting catchers from the marathon game, as much to my chagrin I tuned into a Dodgers home game, only to discover another voice (in this case Charley Steiner) polluting my ears.
Steiner is excellent, but when you anticipate Scully, everyone else sounds like Joe Morgan.

There was a neat feature in the Herald the other day in which all the Celtics talk about what they plan to do in the offseason to get better.
Noticeably absent was Doc Rivers, who at no point has ever said I need to coach 'em up better, or some variation of that cliché.
In any event there was one that scared me most and it was Gerald Green's response about paying pickup games to improve his defense. At least next year we'll be able to pinpoint exactly what his problem is, and where it stems from.

Seeing Greg Oden announce for the draft made me feel a little special inside, as I hope my lone voice, shouting "no more years" at the Alamodome last month may have made a difference. I also informed him from a great distance how good he'd look in green, but that got more than a few odd stares down in Republican country.
I will now attempt to not think, read, or talk about him for the next 20 days, and just try to let it happen, then again that didn't really work in high school with all the girls I though I had a chance with.

So seriously, was the elder DeOssie in charge of writing his kid's name down on the birth certificate, or did he just hand that off to Smerlas to take care of? At what point, and by whom was it discovered that little Zak was missing a C in his name?

I wasted 5 hours on the first round of the draft Saturday, and honestly I have nothing to really say. It was fun to watch, but analysis seems futile.


I want to care about the NHL playoffs, I really do. I have even a vested rooting interest, anyone playing Buffalo. I have also gone out of my way to check channel no. 62 each night the past couple weeks. But it never stays in the regular rotation, TNT, NESN, all the baseball package channels, and mindless click to ESPN, but invariably I always miss the good hockey stuff.
ESPN, I beg you, resurrect this sport and force me to pay attention by putting it on one of your 27 channels, and consistently leading Sportscenter at 6pm with it. Remember the motto of the Ocho, "if it's barely a sport we'll cover it."

Worst opening round of the playoffs in NBA history. (Mavs/Warriors excluded) I wish those damn JV games would start at 6 or 7, so the varsity could play at 930 allowing me to watch and still sleep at a reasonable hour. TNT I'm looking in your direction when I blame the fact that NBA games are now nearly as long as baseball.
Not only does the East suck, but it's boring as hell to watch.

There is the distinct possibility, that one of the following three teams will be participating in the Western Conference Playoffs...The Jazz Rockets, or everyone with a soul's personal favorite the Warriors.

Alex Cora is awesome, but having Remdog tell me how fundamentally sound he is every single time he ties his shoelaces properly is one prime reason for not wanting to see him in the every day lineup.

I'd like to thank Hideki Okajima for fixing a flaw in my softball mechanics, all this talk about him looking directly at the ground made me realize, that's exactly what I do. Anyways, problem now solved, and it's amazing how much easier it is to throw strikes when actually looking at the target the whole time.

I'll be honest I don't know how long this will last, but with my hopeful impending departure from the world of professional writing, I'd like to keep some outlet, and this seems like the place to do it. As I become more "web page" savvy I'll try to make this not look like a blank screen with some writing on it, but for now this is the deal.

Tossing batting practice…because there are hundreds of Olympic stories to make fun of.

During the course of this column four Red Sox runners were waved around third and thrown out at the plate, “and I’d do it again.”

If anybody with Greek blood can play for the Greek baseball team then can anyone with American blood who failed to qualify for the freakin Olympics come play second base for the Sox?

Why is it you have to be from a country to represent them on the field, but you can be from anywhere to coach them?

_

So wait are we rooting for or against the Iraq soccer team?

Pickup line overheard at the Olympic village “I’ll show you where we keep our weapons of mass destruction.”

_

Is the ESPN Deportes version of the And 1 Mix tape tour a montage of Puerto Ricans playing team basketball and heaving three’s?

If the U.S. team makes it to the medal round they’ll have the chance to throw up enough bricks to rebuild the Ancient Greek ruins.

_

On a serious note, fouling on every fast break opportunity as the Puerto Ricans did is a a disgraceful way to play the game. And I think their coach should be buried alive with his Pat Riley coaching the Knicks/Heat videotapes.

How about that riveting Japan/US softball game this morning. Im sure you were all watching at 5 a.m like I was so I’ll spare the details, but when you can score without getting a hit I think you gotta be the favorite to win it all.

Boring sport alert:
There has apparently been controversey in the U.S men’s swim team where Gary Hall Jr. was hauled off a relay team in favor of giving Michael Phelps the chance to go for 8 gold medals.
Hall’s agent went on a tirade claiming it was wrong to give a guy a chance at a record he isn’t going to get anyway. But my question is, when did swimmers need agents? Apparently those lucrative contracts on the pro swimming tour, and the subsequent endorsements are too much for one man to negotiate.

Another reason I don’t get the Olympics, Phelps lost to some guy named Thorpe today, who doesn’t play football, isn’t an indian, nor is he even American.

Water Polo is entertaining in a “why do you choose to dedicate your life to this sport” kind of way.

“That has meant training 10 hours a day, including match days to ensure that what the Americans lack in skill they can make up in fitness and strength.”
No Bill Parcells does not coach the Water Polo team, but if football coaches get wind of this there would be less heatstroke on the practice field in August, and more offensive lineman drownings. Which I think would entertain all.

I would watch another Patriots training camp session if lineman swimming in those full body wetsuits were a station drill.

_

Must See TV: Women’s beach Volleyball…that is all

Still Scarred 2 days later TV: The Chinese women’s Volleyball team.

_

I thought only high school gym teachers were good at Badminton, while everybody else giggled too hard at the phrase shuttle cock.

13 more days of Olympic madness to go, before team handball becomes irrelevant again.

Originally written July 2003

Tossing Batting Practice… until Byung Hyun Kim officially joins the Sox.

So the Sox added a shaky Korean pitcher to the mix, to counter the Yankees shaky Cuban pitcher, well I guess imitation is the best form of flattery.

Only Bill Buckner has a worse track record in New York than Kim.

Kim may speak little English, but rest assured Red Sox Nation, “You Suck” translates well in any language.

I’m taking June 15th in the pool of when Bill Mueller goes down with an injury that lingers the remainder of the season, and contributes to a freefall in production.

See what happens when a white guy gets “Giggy” with it, he embarrasses himself.

Giguere might have been riding one unbelievable hot streak, but Martin Brodeur is still the best active (see below) playoff goaltender, and one of the two best I have ever seen.

The only one better than Brodeur, is the man himself. I would like to take a timeout to acknowledge Patrick Roy. Back in the late 80s and early 90s when it was fun to care about the Bruins Patrick Roy was the nemesis. He was Derek Jeter and Roger Clemens rolled into one. It was so hard to root for him when Ray Bourque was looking for his Stanley Cup, but I had to put my differences aside for the greater good. I miss hockey the way it He single handedly carried those Montreal teams deep into the playoffs and willed them to victory, especially in 1993. (Can you name anybody else on that ’93 Stanley Cup champion team, He won 10 overtime games that playoff year). I miss hockey the way it was played before it looked like soccer on ice, in fact I miss rivalries like that in any sport. The Sox-Yankees is that intense, but there is nothing else that can rival the hatred those two teams had for one another. The Garden and the Forum are gone, so is Ray Bourque, and now Patrick Roy. It’s the end of an era, and damn do I feel old.


Riddle of the day: What do they call hockey in the rest if the world? (answer below)

Roll out the red, white and blue balls, its an all ABA NBA Finals. I better see some old school George Gervin finger rolls, and at least one guy in a giant Dr. J-esque afro.

The fact I feel like this is a good deal for the Sox makes me very nervous. There isn’t any outrage at trading an All-star for a shaky pitcher. Nothing, I bet in the long run we get hosed in this deal.

The Mavs have been eliminated for less than 12 hours and I miss them already. Their inability to hold a large lead, or be fazed by a large deficit, as well as the hot potato style of offense made everyone of their games entertaining to watch.

Don Nelson’s inability to win in the playoffs would qualify him to be the next Red Sox manager.

Steve Kerr is living proof that no matter how old, and slow white guys get, they never forget how to shoot.

I read the NY and Philadelphia papers everyday now, and I am convinced the Mets and Phillies have been playing each other for a month.

Answer: Soccer

Elton Brand, Jason Collins, and Richard Jefferson were just named to the U.S. Olympic qualifying team. These three are never going to play except garbage minutes, if they do it’s a crime. Wouldn’t it be better if they added three guys on an NBA roster who never play? Or the walk-ons at Duke who have perfected the “I know I’m never gonna play, but I’m gonna jump up and down like a lunatic whenever we score a basket” routine.

Finally, a fond farewell to Mr. April, Red Sox nation will miss you next year when we jump out to an early lead atop the AL East, only to plummet in the standings like your batting average and power numbers as the season wears on.

Tossing Batting Practice while removing a patch at the bottom commemorating my eighth column…Screw you AP Style…it was given to me by the Associated Press.

Congratulations to Roger Clemens on joining the exclusive 299/154 club. This select club that includes such legends as Kid Nichols, John Clarkson and Tim Keefe, (as well as Nolan Ryan, Cy Young, and Steve Carlton).

Larry Brown’s family should immediately take him to a doctor, because I think senility may be setting in. He walked away from $12 million, on a winning team that has a chance to win every year because the East sucks. Instead he will likely end up with the Clippers???? Yes those Clippers, the ones that have made two playoff appearances in club history. They have zero commitment to winning, and it doesn’t matter anyway because the West is loaded. Great career move Larry.

On that note is there a more overrated coach than Brown? He has only made the NBA Finals once. He won one NCAA championship thanks the three weeks in 1988 when Danny Manning was unstoppable.

This from Brown at his press conference yesterday. "I hope [the legacy] is that our team played hard and played unselfishly.” Did he see the same Allen Iverson taking 47 shots a game and not showing up to practice that I did?

Will Allen Iverson still be talking about practice with his new coach?

This year’s Cleveland Indians display all the features of the Major League Indians<. Attendance is way down. They got a bunch of no name players. Omar Vizquel looks more and more like Roger Dorn every day. Their manager was running a batting cage during the offseason. The PR department should run a “Major League day” promotion where fans have to identify which names are on the current roster and which names were just characters in the movie. Those that answer correctly get to go home, and are no longer subjected to such horrible baseball.

Will more “fans” in Jersey show up to see the Devils in the Stanley Cup, or the Nets in the NBA Finals?

Why is it there are always at least three coaches sitting by the bullpen phone in a Major League dugout? Is it locked, and like a nuclear weapon you need at least two keys to turn it? Every time you see a camera shot to the dugout the manager is flanked on either side by at least two coaches. I blame Joe Torre and Don Zimmer for this.

If the Stanley Cup Finals were sudden death the entire game, it would be so much cooler.

If you told me that you won the Indianapolis 500 this weekend, I would not be able to prove you wrong.

Having since gone to look up who actually did win the race, one thought crossed my mind. Do the people in Brazil actually realize that Indianapolis is not even close to a real American city..And that driving around in a circle 170 odd times is the most exciting thing that happens there each year?

The basketball gods fired a giant lightning bolt at the Mavericks this weekend with Dirk Nowitzki going down with a knee injury. Somewhere Rick Adelman and the rest of the Sacramento Kings are smiling.

Hello???? Hockey fan are you out there?

George Steinbrenner, part owner of the New Jersey Nets, recently compared Jason Kidd to Bob Cousy. When did the Boss become John Wooden? His ability to judge baseball talent is poor at best, but now he seems to think he can judge talent in all sports. I look forward to him comparing Scott Stevens to Ray Bourque or Bobby Orr after the Stanley Cup.

Finally, China had the Women’s World Cup (in that “sport” soccer) taken away from it due to SARS fears. I am now on my way to rent an RV to travel with the team this summer on their quest to repeat, and my quest to steal Mia Hamm from Nomar.

Not Tossing Batting Practice Today....I just want to post this from the other day before I forget again


Ok, everyone has that ex-girlfriend that they care about in a positive light and maybe even still love no matter how bad they screwed you. You try to forget about them, ignore them when you see them with someone else, and talk about how dumb you were to have been with her as long as you were. You convince yourself that your replacement has made you so much happier and given you better memories. You quietly hope for a reconciliation, despite all your friends urging to stay away. But in the long run you know that had you stayed together neither party would be happy.

That is how we in Red Sox Nation feel about Roger Clemens. He packed it in his last four years here, (similar to a woman putting on a few extra pounds) although he did play for some bad teams so his numbers were hurt a little by those futile teams led by Butch Hobson.

So during Roger’s free agent year of ’96 a bitter break up ensues. After the break up Roger went out and wins two Cy Young’s with a really bad Toronto team. Ok so she moved on found someone else, it’s not that bad, maybe she’s dating an accountant. She’s got money, but he’s a geek and she isn’t having any fun.

After Clemens’ first Cy Young, a one year grieving period, the Sox went out and got Pedro Martinez. A passionate love affair develops with a younger gorgeous model who loves you too. The Sox go to the playoffs and Pedro wins a Cy Young. Screw that bitch!

Then all of a sudden she dumps the accountant, and starts dating a football player, maybe even a quarterback. He’s bigger than you, stronger than you, makes more money than you and will stop at nothing to flaunt him in front of you. She’s rich, successful and happy without you. Roger meanwhile had asked for a trade and was sent to the Yankees. It was like he had just promoted Communism, or Islamic Fundamentalism, Red Sox nation was irate.

You are still with the model, but now she is getting a little emotional, whiny, and more demanding.
Pedro takes the Sox to the ALCS in ’99 he wins the another Cy Young, and should have won the MVP. The season is highlighted by his Superman performance against Cleveland in Game five of the ALDS. He comes out of the bullpen to throw six no-hit innings against the best offensive team in baseball, all with a sore shoulder.

Next up was a chance meeting with the ex-woman, and more importantly a chance to show that you are so much better off with out her.

In his first trip back to Fenway in Yankee pinstripes Clemens gets shelled giving up 13 hits and eight runs in 4 2/3 innings. Pedro went seven innings and struck out 12. She fell flat on their face right in front of you and all your friends. It’s the ultimate vindication.

Ultimately the Yankees won that series, and eventually the World Series with Roger pitching the clincher in Yankee Stadium. Possibly the darkest day in Red Sox Nation since October 26, 1986.

The football player just signed a new contract worth millions and you have never felt worse in your life.
Pedro has been remarkable since he got here and has had more dynamic performances than Roger has had in that same time, but he hasn’t brought home the elusive championship. Meanwhile Roger has two championship rings.

Now Clemens is on the cusp of another milestone, 300 career wins. He goes for 299 tomorrow here at Fenway Park against the Sox.

The ex is now getting married to the football player, and you have been invited to the wedding. You don’t want to go but you know you have to, because no matter how it did turn out, you still care, whether you want to admit it or not.

Tomorrow night many fans will boo Roger, but just as many will cheer. I myself am torn. He was once a hero of mine, someone I aspired to be. Then he became the symbol for everything I detest. I don’t know completely which one I’ll do until the time comes. But I’m almost positive I will have to cheer for him because I do still care, as does every other true Red Sox fan.

Tossing Bating practice while wondering why I wasn’t named American Idol...

“Thank you come again”…the Sox are out of first place again. They are kind of like the weird kids that show up at a party. You aren’t sure how they got there, or who they know. Everyone snickers behind their backs as they try to act cool, and talk to girls, knowing full well they have no shot. Nobody bothers to kick them out because they always come early and don’t stay very long. Overall they usually just provide a brief entertaining footnote to the party, which is usually forgotten about after excessive consumption of alcohol.

I will resist from making any outrageous comments regarding the barrage of technical fouls referee Joey Crawford gave the Mavs last night, for fear of getting one myself. It’s playoff time and I can’t let my ego get in the way of doing my job.

Don Nelson’s unborn grandson Dawny III just got a technical foul. I guess Mark Cuban knew what he was doing when he decided to hire seven assistant coaches

I have apparently been ejected from the remainder of this column. I decided to get a T to fire my material up, let’s face it they were lethargic today. Joey Crawford got overly confrontational and he gave single T’s to the grammar and humor for the rest of this piece and he ejected me. As a result my material had to play cautious to avoid suspension and my assistants just weren’t ready to take over.
Here is an excerpt from our conversation.

Me<“Joey come on you gotta give me something here you got all my best material in foul trouble and sittin on the bench”
JC: “Technical foul”
JC: “Coach sit down and write your column or you’re outta here”
Me: “No I want an explanation, are you determined to even the series, and bring me back down to earth, or were you told to do so.”
JC: “That’s it, another tech you’re gone.”

And with that so went this column down the drain

Ok, I’ll say it, how many strokes will Annika Sorenstam give?

If there was any justice in this world Dr. Emmett L. Brown would have kidnapped the David Robinson of 1995, taken him to 2003 so he could see how he is embarrassing himself now. Then take the DeLorean back to 1999 and convinced him to retire then.

Can anyone explain to me the neutral zone trap?

While on that subject are there any other actual plays in hockey? I mean seriously, how can you design a play when you can barely follow the puck.

The Patriots signed Dedric Ward today. Just what we need is another under six-foot wideout. Now all we need is another slow undersized running back and a 48 year-old cornerback and we’ll be back in Championship contention.

LeBron James just signed a $100 million shoe contract with Nike. In a related note minimum wage was just lowered in Vietnam to three cents and a bowl of rice an hour.

With that obscene contract I will now openly root for any combination of the Clippers, Grizzlies, or Nuggets to win the lottery. At least then he will earn that $100 million.

For the love of God please, just end the Nets-Pistons series, I promise ESPN, I will watch whatever you put on in its place.

After watching three games of Bernie Williams in center field, I have determined that maybe he is left-handed and doesn’t know it. I won’t even say he throws like a girl because it is a disservice to every girl I know. He just makes no effort to throw anybody out when they run on him.

Reason number 479 why ABC is run by handicapped gorillas: Monday Night Football is looking for a replacement for Melissa Stark. Joumana Kidd (yes that Joumana, seriously is there anyone else with moderate celebrity status of that name) is rumored to be a candidate. I applaud (heavy sarcasm) ABC’s decision if they go through with it. It seems the network is determined to see if they can ruin football as a TV sport, as they have done to hockey and basketball.


I will keep my cool and promise not to hurt the team again. It’s my fault I let my ego get in the way. But they were out to screw us and make sure that the columns were even with the occasional “mail it in” job thrown in there so some people will read hoping I fail. I guess you need to have enemies as well as fans. But I got home court tomorrow…

Tossing Batting Practice, like a beleaguered American League East bullpen…

The Bruce Chen era (or error the jury is still out on that one) begins.

I am convinced the Dominican Republic produces baseball players as frail as American automobiles.

No matter what those idiots in NY say, Red Sox management is in no way smart or clever enough to convince the Yankees to sign Jose Contreras. I point to Ramiro Mendoza as evidence of this.

Game one of the Western Conference final took nearly three hours to play. The Spurs and Mavericks combined for 98 free throws, 72 fouls and Buck Showalter made 11 pitching changes.

After seeing the Mavs make 49 consecutive free throws the other I know this, I would take them to win a game of knockout against any other NBA team.

When Jorge Posada makes a trip to the mound to Jose Contreras or Mariano Rivera, do you think a Spanish version of the Bull Durham scene plays out with Posada eventually giving I and uttering the phrase
“Tire la carne del calor”
(and yes, that is Spanish for “give him the heat meat”, this is what I do all day)

If he keeps it up Ramiro Mendoza will get to have the “Mendoza Line” added to a pitcher’s description as well. Maybe a “Mendoza line drive” used to describe a rocket hit off the bat. Every ball hit off Ramiro is a blast, there are no quiet outs with this man.

When did Bruce Bowen get deemed worthy enough to be fouled away from the ball in the 2nd quarter repeatedly? Correct me if I’m wrong but, isn’t this the same Bruce Bowen who played for the Celtics? Assuming he is, wasn’t he loosely termed a “defensive specialist?” The strategy was so successful however, that Bowen may be getting fouled by the Mavs during warm ups tonight to put the Spurs in the bonus early.

If Jose Contreras isn’t careful he’s going to end up being sent back to Cuba on the same floating raft El Duque came in on.

How come it’s always Yankees who have bad things, such as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, and Tommy John Surgery, named after them? Why isn’t special attention paid to Jimmy Piersall (once had a nervous breakdown and climbed the backstop) or Tony Conigliaro (getting beaned in the face, and thus never reaching full potential)? Once again the Yankees get everything.

So Jim O’Brien is coming back to the Celtics for a few more years, excuse me while I rush out to buy my season tickets.

It’s too bad the United States army didn’t allow Antoine Walker to launch one ceremonial bomb towards Baghdad.

Ok if I have to read one more WNBA preview column I am going to quit journalism. The Seattle Times dedicated two major stories to the Seattle Storm, if I were a subscriber I would demand they hire Jayson Blair immediately. Maybe even stick him on the WNBA beat just to spice things up with a little fiction, then maybe I would be interested in the league…wait no probably not.

I think if you have a WNBA franchise, your city should be removed from consideration for best sports city in America, and you lose points for having an MLS or WUSA franchise as well. Although this probably leaves Grand Forks, North Dakota as the best sports city, hey they obviously know something by keeping that crap out of their community.

Roger Clemens vs Tim Wakefield, has there ever been a pitching match up of more contrasting styles in recent memory?

If Roger Clemens is the “Rocket” what’s Tim Wakefield, the “Special Olympic Hurdler?”

Tossing batting practice while trying to gather money from 4 million of my closest friends to purchase one of the original Rocky statues now for sale in Philadelphia.



Hey the Sox are in first place!!!!!! I guess it’s officially spring now in New England. Like Kansas collapsing in the NCAA tournament, a Kenyan winning the Marathon and the Bruins laying down and dying in the playoffs, the Sox climbing into first place in May gives us Bostonians the full assurance that good weather is here. The subsequent collapse out of playoff contention isn’t noticed until it summer is nearly over.

Given the last few years of the sox in first only to suck for the month of June, I can’t even bring myself to gloat at the demise of the Yankees in recent weeks.

A horse is a horse of course of course, and no one can talk to a horse of course: But if someone could talk to Funny Cide (maybe his official biographer) would he ask about the incident with the clippers.

Ok I promise I wont make any Trot Nixon jokes during the course of this column.

Dallas and San Antonio are actually further apart from each other than Boston and New York.

Which is worse driving down I-35 seeing nothing but cattle from Dallas to San Antonio, or being forced to drive through Connecticut which I am convinced is much larger than it appears on a map?

Yesterday the Nets and Piston combined for 150 points yesterday. Last weekend the Mavericks scored 140, granted it was double overtime, but the Mavs did also score 83 points in one half in that series.

Pop Quiz: can you name five guys and the head coach of the Detroit Pistons.

The Ducks have just pulled the goalie and Minnesota still can’t score

Ok if you know me well enough you know I had to say something about this. Arizona and UCLA advanced to the NCAA softball World Series yesterday. In a related note, the sun came out yesterday.

I think I was one of about seven people who watched the softball game ESPN2 televised yesterday. Jennie Finch, the hottest female athlete on earth, was the color commentator, this is blasphemous to write but, how the hell did she graduate with a communications degree? If ESPN is going to keep her on they better utilize a little box in the corner with her pictured, otherwise even I wont be able to watch softball in TV.

Tigers pitcher Mike Maroth, still winless, lost his ninth game of the season yesterday. The Detriot News headline used the phrase “Hard Luck.” At what point do you go from hard luck to just plain awful?

How the hell do the Mariners have the best record in the American League? Freddy Garcia has been awful this year, Ichiro had the worst April of his life. Now he is on fire this month. Edgar Martinez, despite having both feet in his grave, has hit .333 this year. Gil Meche (???????) has picked up the slack for Garcia, and taken over the role of staff ace. This could be a tough team to beat down the stretch, but they are still the Mariners.

Did Aaron and Brett Boone receive a family discount for steroids over the winter? Aaron has 13 home runs and Brett has 10 so far this season.

Insert Mike Piazza pulled groin/sexuality joke here______________________________

Column 4 5/15

Tossing batting practice while wondering why don’t I see more inner city youths playing pick up hockey like they did in the second Mighty Ducks movie?

If the Mighty Ducks win the Stanley Cup, they better thank Gordon Bombay, and the rest of those pioneering Ducks. Because without them, none of their success would be possible.

Ok, I’ll say it, I have officially gotten ''Giggy'' with it. I am convinced that Giguerre is Francais for Goldberg. The Ducks should sign Anson Carter and teach him how to shoot the “knuckle puck”.

If the New Jersey beats Ottawa, I demand Pat Burns speak in an Icelandic accent during the Stanley Cup Finals.

I liked happy go lucky, giant Afro, Ben Wallace a lot more than hardened, menacing corn row Ben Wallace.

Clang! Allen Iverson just missed another shot. 5-25 that’s an ugly night. .200 from the field, that’s still a better average than most of the Phillies.

Cheer up Allen, things could be worse. You could be Robert Horry, who went 2-38 from 3-point land during the playoffs. It might be harder to miss 36 shots than it is to make 36 shots.

Is there a basketball equivalent to the Mendoza line? If not can we name it the Walker line and establish it at 28%?

I think I am going to root for the Pistons tonight because God help me if I have to watch another 78-77 pitcher’s duel.

Ok Allen Iverson, Robert Horry and a random white guy who “played a little college ball” (meaning intramurals) in a 3-point contest. Who would you take.

I know concessions are expensive at Fenway Park, but can’t Casey Fossum get an employee discount? Casey, seriously, eat something!

The St. Louis Cardinals bullpen has blown 10 of 16 save opportunities this year. That just sucks.

Everyday you learn something new I guess. Secretariat apparently has an official biographer.

Congratulations to the World Champion San Antonio Spurs.

Somebody threw a baseball at Carl Everett last night. I’m not sure what I think about this. Wait what’s that feeling I’m getting, is that…sympathy? No, no that’s just allergies, never mind.

Vlade Divac plays the post like your dad, or any big fat old white guy at the Y always did when you were younger. He pulls these shots out of nowhere at awkward angles, and looks like a slightly more athletic version of George Mikan.

I stand corrected the Lakers did lose.

How bout Derek Fisher and Kobe Bryant breaking down into tears in the waning moments of Game six last night. I really want to mock this, but I am glad to actually see guys care about winning and losing, it’s good for the game.

Did Kobe Bryant suddenly turn 40 and nobody told me? His postgame remarks last night had the feel of a guy who was on the downside of his career. At one point he discussed how it seems like just yesterday he was 21. The man is 24 for Christ sake and will probably be around for a long time.

Random betting line of the day: over/under of 3.

That is the number of Kobe Bryant retirements/comebacks I predcit before he finally decides enough is enough.

I’m not sure which of these scenarios I’d like to see play out. Kobe Bryant failing miserably a la Isiah Thomas as a head coach, or failing miserably at running a perennially bad team like the Hawks, like Jordan did. Either way I guarantee one, if not both, of these scenarios will play out.

Can someone please import a personality into Tim Duncan? Remember when Bart sold his soul to Milhouse in the Simpsons and could feel no emotion? I am convinced Duncan did the same thing.

It’s been seven months but the phrase “World Champion Anaheim Angels” still makes me want to throw up all over myself.

Big Exhale, Petey made it through another start without getting hurt. To me that’s cause for celebration.

Shhh, do you hear that? It’s the sound of America changing the channel now that the Lakers are out.

I will miss Jack Nicholson the rest of the playoffs, maybe he is a Ducks fan too.

Married men everywhere should be rooting for Funny Cide tomorrow in the Preakness Stakes. His success will give hope to all those who have had their balls taken away by someone else. Maybe his biographer can make him a spokesman for all those out there who are whipped.

Wednesday, May 14

Tossing Batting practice while wondering if that Zen stuff will make me as successful with the ladies as it has made Phil Jackson. I guess if you win nine NBA titles it is acceptable to date the boss’ daughter.

Phil Jackson may have had the angioplasty the other day but for three quarters last night it looked like the Lakers were the ones with no heart.

Shock of the year: Fuzzy Zoeller agrees with Vijay Singh.

Carl Everett, I miss you and your crazy (ok, insane) antics.

Too much has been made on both sides about Vijay Singh’s comment regarding Sorenstam playing the Colonial. She is using a sponsor’s exemption so she isn’t taking a spot from someone who qualified. This is a relatively minor tournament that people will actually care about for once, any publicity for the game is good for golf. Interest has waned recently with Tiger woods winning practically every time he tees it up. I applaud Sorenstam for challenging herself.

It’s a shame there will be no camera shots of Martin Brodeur’s wife during the playoffs this year.

San Antonio with a professional sports franchise, is this more or less mind boggling than Columbus or Orlando?

The NBA JV plays tonight in Detroit. Winning the eastern Conference will be like winning a JV championship, nobody cares, or even notices but the people who win it.

God bless the foresight Fox had to hire Jennie Finch to work a segment on this Week in Baseball. Her presence will advance the sport of softball and put it on a national stage. Putting a woman on a baseball show is a giant step towards gender equality in the sports world.

Ok I really don’t care about the last part of that statement, I’m just glad she’s going to be on TV at a set time every week, damn she’s hot.

Holy crap, is Brian Shaw old. That might be the Lakers biggest problem, he is playing way to many minutes for a team to be successful.

Mo Vaughn, where “Art” thou?

Take that Derek Jeter, You finally make your triumphant return but the Yankees lose. The Anaheim Angels having the Yankees number, I think this is akin to the Nets having the Celtics number.

Seriously how can any manager allow a player to go 0-8 to start a season. What does Mike Maroth have to do to get sent down to AAA. I feel bad for the guy. I think if the Tigers offered me a contract, I would turn them down.

Apparently Robert Horry’s deal with the Satan expired some time during the course of the season. He is 0-15 in 3-point field goal attempts in the series against San Antonio.

Why can’t the NHL playoffs be interesting enough for me to write about?

Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski, and Florida St. football coach Bobby Bowden have both come out in favor of ACC expansion. The only down side I see to this is that with five super conferences the other schools are essentially playing for nothing. If some schools believe that, they will face pressure to drop certain sports, in favor of spending money elsewhere. Thus limiting the opportunities some athletes will have.


I blame television, and their insistence of playing back-to-back games over the weekend, for ruining the level of play in the Dallas/Sacramento series.

Column 2 5/13

Tossing batting practice while looking on the bright side, at least the Celtics scored in Overtime last night.

If Danny Ainge does one thing during his first year on the job, he should sit down with the team and explain to them what it means to be a Celtic. Last night in the second overtime Paul Pierce missed a shot, and while the Nets raced out on a fast break, he was in the backcourt barking at the officials. The Nets had numbers, and Pierce was walking back on defense. The man is a great player, but his defensive deficiencies are noticeable. During the regular season and even at times during the playoffs it’s acceptable, because of the scoring load he has to carry, and the amount of minutes he plays each season. But with two minutes to go in overtime, while facing elimination, you must forget about the officials and get back and play defense. Antoine Walker may be a great leader on this team, but his incessant barking at the officials (which he did cut down on during the playoffs) is contagious and spreads to the rest of the team


Only 86 days until the Patriots first preseason game against the Giants.

I am relieved that the integrity of the Kentucky Derby was upheld yesterday. If horses are cheating then what does that say about the rest of our society. Let me get this straight though, it is cruel to shock a horse with electrical stimulation, however, it is perfectly acceptable to beat the horse with a whip through the duration of the race?

The Celtics playoff phrase this year of “Green 17” can now stand for the number of years since the last time they won a championship.

The Red Sox are third in the Majors in stolen bases, and near the top in sacrifice hits. Did hell freeze over?

Roman Cechmanek, the recently deposed goalie of the Flyers, wouldn’t he look good in Black and Gold?

Congratulations to Theo Epstein. Now that the Celtics have been eliminated you and your team will receive the focus (or more accurately the wrath) of Boston sports fans for the next few months.

Exhibit A of why not to trade Antoine Walker was on display during the second overtime. The offense was stagnant with five guys just standing around. If Eric Williams is your second scoring option at any point during a game you should not be a Conference finalist. Walker had a terrible series but that is in no way an indication of him as a player. His maturation during the Indiana series indicates that he is a player who can do many things for the team. This is not to say that if you can get a good deal I wouldn’t trade him but, it is unlikely that the Celtics can get equal value for him that would improve the team.

The NBA Finals resume tonight in San Antonio with game five.

The Sox open a three game series with the Rangers tonight in Fenway. Both teams rank in the top five in batting average and the Rangers lead the majors in homers. This series could have a slow-pitch softball feel to it.

If the Red Sox have a bullpen by committee, what is the first base equivalent? With that being said isn’t the bullpen always a committee?

Monday, May 12

Tossing a little batting practice while wondering, if this column sucks can I blame the officials for the large free throw disparity? It worked for the Lakers this weekend.

Saturday night had an 80s feel to it, the social gathering I attended had an 80s theme, but the Kings and Mavericks combined for 278 points. Holy Bernard King! At one point I counted seven consecutive possessions where the shot clock didn’t go below 17. I thought Hank Gathers had been resurrected to play. Both teams combined for 218 field goal attempts an average of one every 15 seconds. Dallas also set an NBA record with 42 3-point attempts. They say the NFL is a copycat league, let’s hope the NBA sees the success of these teams and copies their exciting style of play. The Pat Riley style of slow it down and foul as often as you can owes fans this new era.

If Antoine Walker were the same height as Billy Hoyle, of White Men Can’t Jump fame, who would a dunk contest?

Pop quiz can you name five non-European hockey players still alive in the NHL playoffs?

The Jacobs family may be right , you don’t need to spend lots of dollars to win a Stanley Cup. But you do need to have a front office that actually knows what they are doing, and can judge talent.

Remember when there was a push to make Manny Ramirez a full time DH? Did anybody else see that ball Jeremy Giambi dropped in left field last night? In 155 games as the Red Sox left fielder Manny has made five errors, all of them in 2002. In that time has also accumulated nine outfield assists. In 152 games last year Trot Nixon made five errors as well, and threw out seven runners.

Isn’t it ironic that Danny Ainge is against the Celtics current system of heaving three’s at any given opportunity. Without the three-point line and the subsequent green light he had, Ainge would have stayed in baseball.

Tony Parker, you have exactly two games left to prove to San Antonio management that Jason Kidd is not the answer.

Seriously, does anyone think the Lakers will lose?

Nothing may be more exciting than a 0-0 overtime playoff hockey game, but if the Neutral Zone trap is involved I would rather it be settled by shootout.

Jimy Williams was considered a redneck Grady Little is a Southerner through and through, will the Sox next Manager be Cletus the Slack-Jawed yokel?

Where does Mel Kiper Jr. go the other 51 weekends of the year?

If BC moves to the ACC fans will have to show up at kickoff for football games. Their beloved Eagles will likely be 14 points down, and already out of the game if they show up at their customary time.

Give us your tired, poor and huddled masses: There are eight international born players in the Mavericks/Kings series all of whom are contributing mightily to their teams.

Would anybody be opposed to adding a 10-point shot during the NBA Finals for the Eastern Conference, just to bridge the gap slightly.

The Red Sox bullpen is 22-12 this season. In the grand scheme of things that really isn’t that bad.

“If you build it they will come” Cincinnati built the “Great American Ballpark” but the people still wont come. Less than 25,000 fans attended yesterday’s Reds game in a ballpark that can hold more than 42,000.

Given Danny Ainge’s baseball background, can the Red Sox hire him if this whole Celtics thing doesn’t work out?

And finally even though Mother’s day is a day to shower the matriarch of your family with praise, I can’t let this fester any longer. Mom, damn you for throwing away my Danny Ainge replica jersey as a child, I told you I would wear it again sometime.

Sports quote of the weekend “Mark McGwire isn’t a Hall of Famer all he could do was hit Home Runs.”